Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The age old question

The number one question that I get asked from people (aside from the ever popular “How much have you lost?”) is “When are you going to be done?” I usually dodge the question with the conversational equivalent of a bob-and-weave because I never feel like I have an appropriate response, but it has gotten me thinking about the idea and ultimately I think my plan is to stop… Never.

Everything I’ve been doing has been so that I can live a healthier, happier life. I’m not going to stop working out or eating right just because I hit some magical number on the scale. I have a confession.... *looks around furtively* I don’t even have a goal weight in mind. My weight loss finish line is still just a hazy dot on the horizon. I know myself well enough to know that I tend to get caught up in the numbers of weight loss and that turns into an unhealthy obsession so I purposefully set out to give those numbers the least amount of significance that I could. I judge my progress by tangible markers. The way my clothes fit, how fast and far I can run (my journey to running is worthy of a blog post of its very own), and how my body feels.

Another reason I haven't set a goal weight is because I have no point of reference to know what number on the scale is going to coincide with me feeling comfortable with myself. Maybe I'll love my body at 150 lbs. or maybe I'll think that I look beyond hot at 140. Who knows! The number isn't as important to me as looking and feeling good in my own skin. I've been letting the scale decide my self worth for way too many years and I'm finally learning to appreciate all of the great things my body CAN do instead of focusing on all of the imperfections. I CAN run a 5k. I CAN bike up incredibly steep hills without dying. I CAN do a cartwheel that makes Kia jealous (Kia is my favorite four year-old in the world). I CAN dance like a complete weirdo in my underwear before I get dressed in the morning. Why is it so hard to focus on the positives? Why is it so much easier to focus on the one negative thing instead of the 10 great things?

I guess the entire point of this post is that I hope I'm never done. I hope that I always remember how great it feels to make myself a priority. So I'm going to keep doing the things that I'm doing. Focusing on eating healthy and delicious food, making an active lifestyle a priority, and working to shut off the negative voice in my head that tells me I'll never achieve all of the things I want to achieve. Because I CAN and I WILL achieve everything in my life that I deem worth the effort of working for.

Monday, June 28, 2010

And then there was me...

So here I am. Lighter than I've been in my entire adult life and I finally feel like my life is truly starting to make sense. Step by step I'm becoming the person I want to be and while I still have a long way to go, I can almost see a light at the end of the tunnel.
This is me after my friend Jacque's wedding two weeks ago. Haha, and yes, I'm aware that I look 16.  

Why am I starting this blog now? Good question, hypothetical readers. I'm not sure I can explain why I'm starting this six months and thirty pounds into my weight loss journey, but I am. When I set out on this journey I wanted to lose a lot of weight so that I could finally feel proud of my body instead of ashamed, but somehow this journey has morphed into a lifestyle overhaul. I want to be the best possible version of myself. That version is going to be healthy, fit, gutsy, confident, and truly happy. Or at least that's what I'm shooting for. Wish me luck!

So this is me, trying to conquer my demons and change my world. I don't know where I'm going to end up, but I'm learning to love the journey.